Tryst with Indian Classical

It's not the first time that this question popped-in my mind: why do I do things that I know I am going to regret later? Is it that I love experiencing the extremities of life, or that I am in a schizophrenic state that I can't decide what I like, or that I have lost grandeur allusions towards aesthetic beauty of my thoughts? whatever it may be, the fact is that I am one of the worst consumer of the Indian classical market. The music that is in my roots, but I think I have gone too far to adapt the western music that I feel a distinctive stench towards my own music.

I felt this way during Zakir Hussain and ShivKumar Sharma's concert in Orlando. I really couldn't make out what to think of what these guys were playing and why the audience was so ecstatic about the music. But I tell you what, there is one good thing I did and that was to transpose my thoughts on audience's faces. I could see a big involuntary yawn from the people in the first row, a big *?* over the heads of the people in the second row and, here, me in the third row who is finding it difficult to stay awake so as not to end-up in embarrassment.

The audience tried to display such an attention that I felt intimidated to get-up in the middle of the concert and excuse myself to the men's room. Gosh! on one side, I was holding the emotions of belly-up, on the other, of the opposite. I am certain that the balance between these emotions helped me sit there till the end without making any fuss about the reality and that they helped me being a perfect audience at the imperfect time.

I know I should feel bad about my aloofness towards my own music, but, hell ya, this is what I like and am happy with.